There are several changes that are going to be made around this house starting right now.
1. There will be no more "I'm bored" statements. You have thousands of toys. I know. I pick them up. It takes forever. We are drowning in toys. In fact, I just bought a new Wii game a couple weeks ago that cost $50. You are not bored. You lack imagination. This is why all electronics (except for those belonging to mommy) have been unplugged and debatteried.
2. There will be no more complaining about what is served for dinner. I'm not making exotic and complicated dishes here. You like spaghetti and popcorn shrimp. I made dishes dirty by cooking you a healthy meal. EAT IT!!!!! If you continue to complain, you will be served nothing but apples and peanut butter sandwiches for the rest of your life, or until you get married. And I may even tell your future wife not to feed you anything else either.
3. There will be no more sneaking food at night. I am completely worn out when I wake up in the morning to find that since you didn't eat your dinner you snuck juice boxes and pop tarts while I was sleeping. As I have to sleep at some point, I have posted a three headed dragon in the doorway to the kitchen. OK, so I didn't. However, I will be going to Home Depot this weekend to find cabinet and fridge locks. So there.
4. You are not helpless. I am not your servant. Little Brother, you are three and a half years old. I do not expect you to be able to put your shoes and socks on or pour your own chocolate milk. However, I do expect that by now you are fully capable of pulling your shorts and underwear down to use the potty and back up when you are done. It isn't rocket science. Crying to me or your teacher that you can't do it isn't going to happen anymore.
You can go get your own blanket from your room and bring it to the living room if that's where you want it. You can carry an entire set of wooden blocks from your room to my room to make an unholy mess. A blanket or pillow is not nearly as heavy as a box of blocks. You can cry all you want. I am wearing ear plugs.
5. Big Brother, you will stop talking incessantly. I do not need a play by play of everything you are doing. You talk like Dora. You yell everything. It is ok for no one to be talking for a few minutes. Then again, I'm wearing ear plugs. Talk away, just don't get mad if I don't respond to you.
6. Getting up in the morning is a fact of life. This is why I told you to go to bed at night. From now on if you don't get up and get dressed, you won't get breakfast. Then again, you ate all the pop tarts in the middle of the night so there isn't anything for breakfast anyway. Sorry.
7. Speaking of bedtime, when I put you to bed at 8:30, which I think is generous since you have to get up at 7:00, that means go to bed. It doesn't mean cry and complain that you had one more thing to do. I thought you were bored anyway. It also doesn't mean stay up until midnight. This is why you are beasts in the morning.
Go the *#@! to sleep!
8. There will be no more speaking rudely to me. You have to eat healthy food before dessert. You have to go to bed every night. You have to get dressed for school, even if it is summer camp. I have not hurt your feelings by any of these things. When you say you aren't complaining about bedtime or abut having to turn the Wii off, but you are complaining about me, it doesn't help your cause. From now on, if you speak rudely to me, I will stick my fingers in my ears and invoke the, "I'm not listening to you" defense. Then again, it may be hard to stick my fingers in my ears because I am wearing ear plugs.
9. No more Lady Gaga.
10. I love you to pieces. I hope that someday, after you have kids of your own and you realize just how much of your stubborness and determination your kids have inherited, you will come around. By the way, sorry mom. 🙂
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