Big Fat Failure

April 21, 2014

in Confessions

Today is one of those days where I feel like a big fat failure. My usually optimistic, we can do it attitude is just tired.

I’m tired.

Most days I do feel optimistic and happy. But today I look at my children and can’t seem to look past all of the ways I disappoint them.

Life disappoints them enough. Shouldn’t I be making it better, not worse?

Today is one of those days where I am beyond thankful for my parents. Without whom my boys would not have clothes that fit. Or get to have birthday parties.

But for as much as I am thankful, today is one of those days where it’s hard to see past the fact that I can’t provide those things. For all my hard work. For all the hours I spend at work, after work, on weekends. For the paper on the wall that says I have a Master’s degree. I still barely make what’s considered a living wage.

I still have to make groceries work on $75 a week.

I still have to say no almost every single time.

Most days, we make it work. Most days love is enough. Most days we have fun anyway.

But today I’m struggling.

Today it’s hard to be positive when my children are disappointed. Today it’s hard to not just cry with them.

I know you all have these days. And I know that for me, today will pass. I know that tomorrow things will go back to optimism and a can do attitude.

But for today, I just wanted you to know that when you have those days, you aren’t alone either.

The following two tabs change content below.
Lindsey Renuard is a blogger, YouTube beauty expert, and the Managing Editor of the Skiatook Journal.

{ 3 comments }

Fran Carona April 21, 2014 at 9:19 pm

Dear Lindsey,
Those boys are so lucky to have you for a mom. I see your pictures, how much you love them. I know it is hard and I know as a mom it kills us to disappoint our kids. But I also know they have a Heavenly Father who is using all their experiences to mold them into the men they will become. Thanks for being so transparent. We all struggle sometimes. You are in my prayers.

Lesa J April 21, 2014 at 10:09 pm

I totally get it and agree with you. I’m just tired of always feeling like I have to smile and just keep going! BTW missed ya today?

Monica Draper May 17, 2014 at 8:43 pm

On days like those I buy a container of good quality ice cream.
We all travel into that hole once in a while … so make my ice cream with some chocolate in it.
I will feel better, at least for a while.
Do something to instantly make you feel good.

Lovely Website Lindsay!

From a two time single mother, and they have all left the nest. :0(

Monica

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: