What every woman wants from a man – the grown up version

July 19, 2017

in Confessions

I was browsing Pinterest for wedding ideas and ran across this graphic. And I felt an intense need to clarify completely rewrite it. While this list may have been relevant when I was about 13 or 14 years old, it just seems ridiculous and silly, for the most part, now. So, let's grow this up a little and do the married version.

1. Good morning and good night texts. I have a full time job. And 4 kids. The amount of text messages I get each day is insane. So occasionally, yes, a good night text is nice (this applies to our family more since we work different hours). But please make sure I'm not already asleep because that could result in death. And there is no such thing as a good morning so let's just eliminate that all together.

2. Pictures taken together. OK, I will agree to this one. But make sure I'm ready for a picture to be taken. That includes wearing actual clothes and have my hair and makeup done.

3. Surprises. Let's be honest. Most surprises are bad ideas. Surprise! I spent that money you were saving for that awesome pair of heels on a ridiculous thing that you don't even really know what it is! Let's keep surprises to things we have discussed and agreed upon. You can surprise me with the timing. Or candy.

4. Visiting and bringing her favorite food. Let's just get rid of the visiting part all together. If you need to visit because you are still dating, see #2 and #3. Make sure I'm ready and prepared for a visit.  Instead of bringing my favorite food, which would mean you probably have to go get something from a fast food place that will cost more than what I had already bought at the store to cook, offer to do the cooking. Or the cleaning. Or both!

5. A hoodie with his scent all over it. I already have this. On the floor. Two feet from the dirty clothes basket. And in the bathroom. And in the living room. So no. Just no.

6. Really long hugs. How long of a hug are we talking? Is it hot and humid outside? Do you want something you know I will not agree to? Let's call this one a slightly longer hug than usual on occasion because you feel extra love at the moment and do not have any ulterior motives.

7. Slow dances. I agree to this one completely! Get swept up in a moment. Bonus points if the kids catch you and you don't stop. Even more bonus points if the dance ends with a dip and a kiss and the kids say, "Ewwwww!"

8. Sincere compliments. Absolutely. Sincere being the key here. We tend to get into routines and think our spouse knows we appreciate them going to work every day, working overtime, cleaning the house, dishes, laundry, etc. But expressing appreciation or remind yuor spouse why you still love them is always important. But again, see #6, no ulterior motives allowed!

9. Singing her favorite songs even if it's out of tune. Really? If you are married this one may get you strangled. Knowing my favorite songs would be cute, but unnecessary. But please don't ruin them for me.

10. A cute teddy bear to hug when he's not around. Excuse me? What? Really? I'm an adult. A stuffed object is not a replacement for any amount of time for a spouse.

11. Real, deep conversations. Yes. But let's have one that isn't about the kids, or money, or the house. And not when I'm watching my show, or on the phone, or picking up the house, or trying to sleep, or haven't had my coffee yet. We can pencil this in for sometime next week, ok?

12. Nonsense by funny conversations too. I was so over this after having a 2 year old. So no. If you aren't making sense, I'm going to walk away and do something else. Probably check to make sure the carbon monoxide alarm is working.

13. His gentle manliness. What does this even mean?

14. Comfort and patience when she's in tears. Yes. Men are fixers. That's just what they do. But if I'm in tears, I don't need you to fix it, yet. Just let me get it out. Be there. And when I'm done with that I'll let you know if anything needs fixing. It probably won't.

15. Telling her how much you love her. I don't think this one goes away no matter how old you are and how long you have been together. But let's change it to telling her how much you love her when it's not routine. We said I love you when we leave the house. Before bed. At the end of a phone call. So pick a nonroutine time. Or if you don't have a routine time, start one then also add nonroutine times. The importance here isn't the words, it's the feeling. And it goes both ways.

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Lindsey Renuard is a blogger, YouTube beauty expert, and the Managing Editor of the Skiatook Journal.

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