I Could Never be a Housewife from any City

This week Mama Kat asked why I couldn't be a housewife from any city. I remember the definition of a good wife from Good Housekeeping in 1955. Can you be this kind of housewife? I sure can't.

…from 'Good Housekeeping Magazine', 13th May 1955
 

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious dinner ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.  Look, if you want dinner you know how to pick up the phone and order pizza. Or I went to the store. I'm sure there is something in the fridge. Make a sandwich. Better yet, make a sandwich for everyone. Do I look like a chef?
  
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. he has just been with a lot of work-weary people. I have just been with a lot of work-weary people too. I'd be happy to put a ribbon around your throat, tightly, if you want to complain about how hard your job is.  Try working all day, coming home and taking care of the house and children, then working again.
  
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. I will not be a little gay, no matter what they do on Cinemax.
  
• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. It is my firm opinion that dirt on children adds character.
  
• Be happy to see him. Well crap.
  
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him but the moment of is arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. I don't think so. I'm a brilliant conversationalist. I do amazing and interesting things all day. What did you do? Stand around and watch people work? Ok, I win.
  
• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late, or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure. If you go out to eat without me you better bring home take-out. You do NOT want to come home and tell me about your steak dinner when I had fish sticks with the kids. Oh yeah, and I hope the couch is really comfortable.
  
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. have a warm or cool drink ready for him. I'm pretty sure a grown adult can make himself comfortable.
  
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Have you ever offered to take off a working man's shoes? Trust me that it just might kill you.
  
• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. remember he is the master of the house and as such will always excercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. So basically I am supposed to lie? I'm supposed to let him get away with bad behavior? Not a chance.
  
• A good wife always knows her place. Warm bubble bath, good novel, Amaretto Sour – oh yes, I know.