Sometimes the right words just aren’t there, even for someone like me who always seems to have something to say about everything.
Life has been taking me on a journey lately that I am ready to end. It’s kind of like a horror movie. You want to look away – turn it off. But you can’t.
It all started when a friend of mine called with horrible news. The kind of news that makes you feel like you just found out Santa isn’t real. Like you just won’t make it through. And there is not a single solitary thing I can do about it. I wish I could take away her stress and uncertainty.
Then the bad news just kept rolling. The Daddy got in trouble. Again. He struggles so much trying to find footing in a world that has dealt him a rough hand. Bipolar Disorder steals all hope he has and those that are supposed to be helping (notably the doctors at VA) seem to have a different agenda in mind i.e. saving money. So The Daddy suffers. He yells and screams for help and when they do nothing, he makes bad decisions to dull the pain.
I wish I could take it all away for him. I wish I could make his mind quiet and put him on even ground. I wish I could give him hope.
My best friend of 20something years lost her mother last Friday to breast cancer. I wish I could take away her pain too. I wish I could take away the loss and the sadness. I wish she didn’t have to pick out burial plots and worry about whether it costs too much to bury her mother under a tree.
Her mother touched so many people during her life. Her home was a home to anyone her children knew. No matter what life threw at you, you always knew that Nancy would be there to listen, to make you laugh, to give you a place to hide for a while. And she made the best spaghetti.
The hits just keep rolling. More bad news trickles down the wire daily it seems. A lot of it is fixable like DHS making incredibly large mistakes with my case that has caused my child care benefits to be suspended like losing our proof of citizenship (we were all born and raised in the US) and then deleting an entire child from my file. I love government agencies. I wish I could make them work right.
Most of what is going on is not fixable. It is out of my control. Too many people around me are hurting. Too many people are feeling the weight of the entire world on their shoulders. I wish I could just fix it all.