That time a TV show theme song made me sad

September 30, 2015

in Confessions

Often, the things that cause us to have an emotional reaction are things we least expect and aren’t prepared for.
Last night I sat down for some much deserved relaxing time after the boys went to bed. The house was completely still and quiet. A swift breeze was blowing outside bringing in a cold front and hopefully some genuine fall weather.
I sat down in a chair my parents gave us that really makes me feel at home and comfy. I already have a small nest near the chair with my current cross stitch project and a velvety blanket. I grabbed a soda, sat down, and propped my feet up on the ottoman to stitch and binge on Netflix.
I watched an episode of CSI:NY then switched over to Bones. I love Bones. I love the show and the characters, and I’ve seen almost every episode. I generally don’t see the new ones because I’m never home.
So after two shows I was happy. Relaxed. Making great progress towards finishing the next section of my cross stitch when the episode of Bones ended.
I’ve heard the closing credits song a hundred times.
But tonight, it was different.
Tonight it brought back a time in my life I would rather forget. And taught me an important lesson.
When I heard that closing credits song, I remembered those months I would sit in bed, watching episode after episode of Bones, cross stitching, staying busy. Hoping that my husband wouldn’t come to bed. But he always did. And at this point in our marriage, I was so angry, hurt, betrayed, alone, that I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with him.
Bones was my buffer. I could focus on the show, focus on my stitches, and mostly forget he was there. But there was always that lull when one show ended and the next one hadn’t started yet. And that closing credits music.
And as I sat here, I realized something.
I survived. I came out of that situation. And now, I’ve got a whole new life. I am happy. I am the kind of happy I didn’t believe existed. I am the kind of happy that only happens at the end of a romantic comedy.
It’s good to have those reminders. It’s good to occasionally be taken back to a place you would much rather forget. Because it makes you that much more thankful for how far you have come and what you have today.
And if you are still in a place you would rather forget, grab onto something, anything, and hold on. Pick a TV show, a movie, a song, a bible verse, a hobby, anything. Focus on it. Let it be your anchor. Let it ground you in the reality that you can, with a whole lot of effort, get out of that place.
And someday you too will run into your anchor. And though your heart feels that old rip, you will still be able to smile.
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Lindsey Renuard is a blogger, YouTube beauty expert, and the Managing Editor of the Skiatook Journal.

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