Life is Sometimes Like a Horror Movie

September 7, 2011

in Tips

Sometimes the right words just aren’t there, even for someone like me who always seems to have something to say about everything.

Life has been taking me on a journey lately that I am ready to end. It’s kind of like a horror movie. You want to look away – turn it off. But you can’t.

It all started when a friend of mine called with horrible news. The kind of news that makes you feel like you just found out Santa isn’t real. Like you just won’t make it through. And there is not a single solitary thing I can do about it. I wish I could take away her stress and uncertainty.

Then the bad news just kept rolling. The Daddy got in trouble. Again. He struggles so much trying to find footing in a world that has dealt him a rough hand. Bipolar Disorder steals all hope he has and those that are supposed to be helping (notably the doctors at VA) seem to have a different agenda in mind i.e. saving money. So The Daddy suffers. He yells and screams for help and when they do nothing, he makes bad decisions to dull the pain.

I wish I could take it all away for him. I wish I could make his mind quiet and put him on even ground. I wish I could give him hope.

My best friend of 20something years lost her mother last Friday to breast cancer. I wish I could take away her pain too. I wish I could take away the loss and the sadness. I wish she didn’t have to pick out burial plots and worry about whether it costs too much to bury her mother under a tree.

Her mother touched so many people during her life. Her home was a home to anyone her children knew. No matter what life threw at you, you always knew that Nancy would be there to listen, to make you laugh, to give you a place to hide for a while. And she made the best spaghetti.

The hits just keep rolling. More bad news trickles down the wire daily it seems. A lot of it is fixable like DHS making incredibly large mistakes with my case that has caused my child care benefits to be suspended like losing our proof of citizenship (we were all born and raised in the US) and then deleting an entire child from my file. I love government agencies. I wish I could make them work right.

Most of what is going on is not fixable. It is out of my control. Too many people around me are hurting. Too many people are feeling the weight of the entire world on their shoulders. I wish I could just fix it all.

{ 5 comments }

Book4MyDaughter September 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I think the hardest part, as you say it, is knowing that these things are not in your control—they aren't yours to fix. I believe that is one of the most frustrating things, especially as mothers. We know how to kiss the booboos to make our children feel better, we can distract a crying child and make them laugh. It's what we do—we fix the world around us. But then things like you've experienced this week happen, and there is nothing you can do. What you do have is your voice, your ability to write, to share, to touch others—and maybe by working through your own pain, you can help the people who read what you have to say. I know that it always touches me. 

Elizabeth Manuel via Facebook September 7, 2011 at 8:18 pm

I would click “like” but somehow that doesn’t seem appropriate here. I lam praying for you.

Shell September 7, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Oh girl, what a time you have been having recently.
 
Sending prayers!

Kimberly September 7, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Wow. It’s so hard not to be affected by these things since they are so close to home…and your heart.
I relate to the bipolar friend. Wish I didn’t but I do. It’s so complicated…but the best thing you can offer is hope and an ear that’s always there to listen.
Sending prayers to all the people around you who are going through difficult times xoxo
Kimberly recently posted..Courage

Ms. Positivity September 18, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Wow….I actually feel speechless about this, but I have so much to say.  i have many days where I want it all to just be silent…So many have problems and my phone get to ringing and some times I cant take it.  Gosh so much to bare when all you want is for the mind to be quiet.  I send you enormous prayers and a huge hug.  Hang in there sweetie. I know the days can be a bit much but sometimes we don't have to bare it all alone.  Love ya! 

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